甘い ♡
: ¨ ·.· ¨ :
⠀ ` · . 𐙚 チョコリズムチョコルール . cocoa ⸺ ためらいがちだったけれど
動きだすことが 秘訣なんだと知ったよ
やってみれば意外なほど毎日が変わる
無理だってスネてないで さあ出かけよう
good morning everypyon..! today yume tussled and tussled to rise from bed because she had a dream of her beloved. before, she was begging her guides to lead her to him in a dream. of course the night where it's not even on her mind is when he appeared! the law of detachment goes hand in hand with the law of attraction after all!! also she could've had dreams about him before but failed to remember when waking up since the human body needs to dream in order to sleep!
yume also spent to morning thinking back to previous friendships. yume will be honest, since it's all said and done now. but yume used to be in a friend group. admittedly, back then yume had difficulties with abandonment. so she self sabotaged a lot of relationships. including the friend group! honestly, said group would leave yume out from activities and back then it made yume sad. to the point where she lashed out and just ghosted everypyon in the group.
that included someone yume cared for deeply. some days yume thinks back to it, because that was a different type of betrayal. that does not excuse yume's actions of ghosting, but when someone yume cared for on that level left her out, it hurt a lot. and it hurt even more that the person in question didn't understand how much it hurt yume. those people apologised, but nothing had really changed. that pushed yume past the breaking point or to the point of splitting rather.
to this day, yume is really ashamed of how she handled that one person in particular. because that was true platonic love and it felt like a true connection. a lot of time has passed since then as yume met that person when she was a minor and now she's a young adult. many people have hurt yume since then, but the wound from that person is like a deep self harm scar. wounded and still red till this day. yume has avoided processing these feelings for years.
yume never liked admitting to when people had hurt her. but yume won't run away anymore. she'll face it so she can let go. yume has learned a lot since then and about how communicate properly with others instead of running away. yume can face a lot head strong now.
earlier, yume came across that person's page on a social media app by coincidence. yume had no idea that this person now shares the same user as her psn user. but thats how she found them. yume brings this up because sometimes she wonders what life would be like now if she had communicated her feelings more directly and honestly.
but the truth is, yume probably wouldn't want to continue being friends with them. during this healing journey, yume has had to let go of a lot things and old habits. that included parting ways with people and communities that yume just doesn't resonate with anymore. yume deleted a lot of socials because of that. those old habits don't have room for the yume she is striding to be.
yume has to be very particular about her energy and where it is spent now too, because those things do have an effect on you. that old connection yume mentioned earlier is on the path yume already started hardcore breaking away from as of earlier this year.
yume's point is, people come into your life at different times for different reasons and different lessons. that person or friend group rather served as a lesson to yume about communication and self sabotaging behaviours. because of that, yume has made a vow to handle all of her connections in a much better and healthier way.
so yume can't reminisce about that person, because they were never meant to be on yume's path in the first place. yume knows that deep down she wants a close knit connection like that again. but that person is not for yume. there are other people and things on the horizon if yume just pays attention. yume will have a connection like that again and it'll feel even greater than that.
yume will keep her head up. ♡ after all, her beloved is walking on his path. yume is walking on hers, but our paths will merge some time soon.
on a brighter note, yume's really proud of herself! she's grown so much and for the better. it takes a strong person to acknowledge their wrongdoings and short comings and actively strive for better. yume's had a lot of conflicts since that friend group, but she's gotten so much better at handling conflict. the law of detachment helps too!
yume mentioned deleting certain social medias because of not resonating with it and certain communities anymore. instead of getting fussy about the community and lingering in a place that yume does not enjoy, yume just leaves. and honestly, it's a perfectly okay thing to do!
growing mentally has caused yume to appreciate her peace and do her best to protect it. remember, while you cannot control others, you can control the way you react. yume remembers a week or so before she deleted her tumblr, someone sent a really nasty ask about wanting to harm yume! instead of wishing ill on the person or crying about it, yume just sent that person some love and light.
not excusing that person's threat at all. but yume's realised a pattern. people who are really nasty and ugly towards others only do it because they themselves are not satisfied in their own life. right now, yume considers herself to be fairly content and happy. the thought of being nasty and ugly to others doesn't even cross her mind!
yume can talk about these things openly, because that type of behaviour doesn't resonate anymore and it's just not princess energy! its hag energy. nothing is cute or princess like about sending negative energy to others. yume does her best to send love and positivity towards other people's way because most people have their own things going on, so they think that taking it out on others is okay.
honestly, yume wonders if her audience thinks that she went poof on tumblr because of one anon hate. if they do, it is what it is. that community has a lot of hurt people in it, which is why yume just removed herself from it. yes, yume loves the fairytale of being the light in the darkness, but what does yume look like putting herself and her well being on the line for some... social media presence?
maybe older yume cared about that, but the yume now does not. social media in the past was an excuse to look for the things yume used to lack. which was identity, attention, and external validation. and that's a very bad reason to start an account, because that's how you strip yourself of your power.
yume has an identity now and she no longer needs that external validation or attention. yume won't get into the lack of identity thing as its a problem in the majority of social media. but the external validation was needed because from childhood, yume felt as if she had no right to exist as she is. flaws n all!
today, yume is still bettering herself in that area, but she no longer seeks it out through social media. now, yume just trusts in herself and her guides. when yume starts worrying, she goes to her guides or adult yume- fuwa. and as for attention, yume is pretty sure that is caused by a lack of a brain chemical. brain chemicals are something one can produce by themselves unless they have a medical condition. but even then, there are pills to help in the cases yume is thinking of.
yume's pretty sure she is referring to dopamine since it is known as the rewarding hormone. yume gets a lot of her dopamine from completing her tasks and checking it off on todomate, eating and making yummy food, self care activities, and celebrating her "little" wins. it helps yume a lot.
this post has gotten long, but to those that read these posts... thank you!
